Home again...........

Proving!! Damn!! How I hate this proving… everyone, everything wants proof…of your love, your talents, there is no resort without proving… and I hate trying to prove anything. It makes me feel meager and small!! The ever unjudgemental God… He too wants proof of His love… “Touch but don’t feel…” that’s the proof for his love!!

Damn!! It’s so easy to do all things wrong… the devil way… letting yourself loose!! And what’s wrong in doing all things wrong?? Oh yeah!! Consequences… Cause and Effect!! Who can fuckin escape this law!! Oh so here is where the phrase ‘God Fearing’ fits in…interesting!!

So God… u pretty smart… huh?? What a crafty trap!! Commendable!! … but then you are the one who is loosing… you have just managed to make them fear you!! Where is love??

I know when I start off to search for love as a beginner, as an idealist… I was searching for you… but then I don’t end up with you… rather I end up with some messy human being, who does havoc to my already fucked up brain!! That’s right!! Its in tangles, its crazy and I’ve lost all patience to get it untangled and so I’ve come to you… OK!! Bingo!! I get your point!! So it’s a trap again!! Hmmmm!!

Hey God… can I just hang around with you for a while… its too crazy out there, it’s a frenzy!! I want to be at home… take some sleep!! My eyes are tired and feet bruised… could you just stroke my head gently for a while… past all proving!!

I know I have been stupid, real stupid!! But its gonna be alright … for this love… this pure, beautiful unconditional love… it must pain so much…huh?? To see me in pain… making my wishes your own… even when its not in accordance with your wishes… but you in a distance, shying away from it all… thirsty for love!! Thirsty to see every particle flapper with joy… joy of freedom!! Of existence!! And how stupid I have been to shy away from that joy, that love!!

But now its time… I want to come home… I want to be free again!! I want to flapper again!! I am meant to… don’t worry I’ll do it… all for you... for myself… you be right here like a guiding star… I know you will be… after all my wish is your wish… I’ll do any amount of proving to come home… So long??