Why is control the sole human motivation. We want to control everything around us. Specially other people’s life. No matter what mess our life is into. We love to give advices and paint ideas about how one’s life should be, how one’s behaviour should be, How the world should be.
Me: Why do you want to help me out?
Human: Because i love you.
(echos of the same sentence again and again in the mind Followed by visions.)
Father: Where are you going?
Me: Friend’s place.
Me: I need some notes from her.
Father: oh, so i’ll get it. You stay. Its late.
Me: Its only 6 in the evening.
Father: It’ll get late while you come back.
Me: Huh? I think it wont, i can do it myself.
Father: Why are you so short tempered? Im saying this only because i love you. You would never understand.
(Whisper in the head: Possession in disguise of love.)
Mother: What do you want to have for lunch?
Me: Anything will do ma!
Mother: Hah! How will i give you anything, its after such a long time you have come home.
Me: Well i just want simple Curry and rice, dats what i have come here, to have food coked from your hand.
Mother: I’ll cook you chicken.
Me: I really dont like chicken ma.
Mother: What will you think dat ma didn’t even give me good food and didn’t treat me well when i went home, I must make something good.
Me: I wont say anything of dat sort, just cook your normal stuff ma!
Me: Well im cooking something good because i love you.
(Whisper in the head: "Compulsive behaviour to please” in disguise of love.)
Sister: What are you talking about?
Me: Yes im serious i have opted for Psychology as my major.
Sister: What the hell is wrong with you?
Me: i dont understand? Whats wrong with psychology? I like the subject and i think its my calling.
Sister: Well your calling bull shit! Your calling wont fetch you money, You understand money? Something papa supplies you with every month. Well wake up! Get practical! What will you do studying psychology, do research. Gwad why do you always have to take the wrong decisions? You listen to me, you are not taking no psychology, you understand? You will take up Finance, it will fetch you a high paid job in the corporate world. Well look im saying all this because im your sister, i care about you and i love you.
(Whisper in the head: Control in disguise of love.)
Uncle: why do you talk to your father that way?
Me: Didnt you see how he talked to me?
Uncle: Oh he’s your father, he scolds you only for your good.
Me: Yeah right!
Uncle: You are such a talented and intelligent girl. You probably will do really good in life. But look at that grumpy face of yours, between who was that guy you were talking to in the dark last evening? (with a sly doubtful look.)
Me: Oh just a friend. And it was dark because there were no lights, i didn’t have a choice in that.
Uncle: Oh yeah, i see.
(Manipulation in disguise of love.)
Human love is soo full of disguise. Im not sure if im am capable of understanding this emotion at all. This whole concept of love gives me a feeling of synthetic bliss and a way to achieve a paranoia or a make believe sense of reality. How can a conditioned being give you unconditional love? How do i believe you when you say “I love you”? Can you believe yourself? Would dat “I” in the “I love you” know unconditional existence then how can it claim love? Would dat “I” love itself unconditionally? Is not love skewed in your perception? Is it not over rated? Or in sudden realization (when all the make-believe love becomes like too boring to take) would you not pity yourself at promising too much. Hey i am a human please, not GOD!
Exactly my point!
(Looking for absolute in a world full of dualities...)